Tameing Wolves
by Rothalion
Summary: Alexander exacts a harsh punishment upon two of his favorites. How can he tame his wolves yet leave them their fangs?
1. Default Chapter

Title: Taming Wolves

Author: Rothalion

Summery: Movie verse for the pinky thing. Alexander exacts a harsh punishment after infighting threatens to cause a rift in his chain of command. These guys were always vying for position I think things had to get physical now and again. So here goes this…

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Reviews are always appreciated. I can't improve without them. Thanks

"You're late Phaistion!" Alexander bellowed jovially, lounging back in his chair his feet up on the table. "Come, join us! Boy, wine for Hephaistion. Looks as though he's had himself a day!"

Join them; that was the last thing he wanted to do but protocol required it. Phaistion, by the gods what was the man thinking? Phaistion in front of the companions. He didn't need this aggravation just now. He only needed sleep and a surgeon, better yet a surgeon then sleep. Today had been his first 'true' command, paired with Cleitus to see how the two would meld. Also, he knew, to see how he would handle a command during battle. He was exhausted, his head was pounding, the group was already into the wine and Hephaistion grimaced at the thought. The tardy General glared at his king and made his way to his normal seat on Alexander's right. He forced his irritation into submission when he found Cleitus sitting in it. The gritty, older general looked up at him lazily, with an insipidly smug smirk on his face. Hephaistion leered back at the man, walked around the table and begrudgingly took a seat directly across the table on Alexander's left. Cleitus tipped his chair back, ogled the retreating man's ass and whistled. He waited until Hephaistion was seated then began to giggle. The Cleitus giggle they called it, scathing and insulting it was a hated sound to Hephaistion's ears. He'd endured it often enough.

"Nice ass pup." Snickers rounded the table and Hephaistion glared at the big man as he leaned forward placing his elbows on the table and his aching head in his hands. "What kept you boy? You stop to give thanks to the gods that you didn't loose that pretty little ass of yours out there today? Well…what's your tale Pup? Or should I ask…where? 'Tween your lovely muscled thighs?" He finished, leaning a little to his right and peering under the table. "Oh no, wait. I think I hear it swishing in anger!" Then he leaned left and whispered to Alexander just loud enough to be heard. "By the gods man you are truly blessed. The finest army in the land and…" he gestured approvingly at Hephaistion, "the finest…ass. Tell me is he…"

"Clei…" Alexander began.

"Piss off Cleitus!" Hephaistion snarled interrupting him, then he turned to Alexander, his voice softer and informative. "Seeing to my men Alexander. Men come first. No?" His eyes met Cleitus' again as he took the cup of wine offered to him by Ptolemy.

Alexander and the others were a bit taken back by Hephaistion's retort.

"Piss off! Piss off? Piss off." Cleitus mimicked. He leaned back, put his feet up on the table, clasped his hands together and tapped his pinkies against one another toying sarcastically with the phrase before bursting into raucous laughter. "Piss…off!" He swirled his eyes as though pondering the command.

"You left me to die today 'General' Cleitus. 'You' were late. You had my right. You did not show." Hephaistion scolded the man, pointing two newly crushed and broken fingers in the man's face. "You, by order of your king had my flank and you tarried. What…were you afraid?"

The men around the table gasped collectively and then laughed nervously at Hephaistion's sudden boldness. Even Alexander laughed at Hephaistion's words and the slight was not left unnoticed by the young battered general who shot him an angry sideways glare. Battered, that described Hephaistion well just then. His right eye was swollen closed and besides the badly, bent and broken fingers on his sword hand he sported a long sword slash down his right thigh. It still bled a bit and he reeked of blood and mud. He'd removed his armor and gone straight to the council tent without washing or seeing the surgeons. The others had cleaned up a bit.

"To die! To die?" Cleitus hollered throwing his feet back down and leaning across the table, getting right into Hephaistion's face. "To die? No pup I only gave you room to prove your worth, I only set out to wean a pup from the tit. Are you weaned now puppy? Are you no longer the sad whelp of your king hiding behind his skirts? Weaned, my friend, weaned." Then with a dark and serious tone, "You should be thanking me boy!"

"Thanking you, you sad old bastard! The game you played cost me five "good" men! Game! Cleitus if you wish to wean the pup then wean the pup and leave my men out of it! I am 'right here'!" He leaned forward and thumped his chest with a bloody fist.

"Ah, so bold my pretty Hephaistion, so bold. If they were good they'd not be dead! Wean the pup. Yes! That was the game! If I'm to share a command someday with your pretty ass then I'm gonna be damned sure that mine is covered!"

"It's covered Cleitus." Hephaistion sipped his wine and began softly, tiredly, with aloof indignation. "By the thick, black, thistle ridden, hoary hair of a neutered goat!" he finished just inches from Cleitus' bearded face spit showering the man.

Cleitus slammed back the remainder of his wine, reached out for the server to refill his cup and leaned back across the table, even closer to Hephaistion, rage now flaring black and menacingly in his eyes. "You bastard of a boy! Yes, weaned! That's what I did, dragged you into the real world. You say you lost men! Lost Men! How many boy? Two. Four. Six a dozen. 'You' lost men! All leaders loose men boy!" He reached across the table and flipped a bit of Hephaistion's blood matted, long hair back. "Cut that rats nest off puppy and then, and then maybe you'd be able to think more like a man and less like a coddled woman. You held today puppy! You showed your worth…Quit your bitchin'." He stopped and cackled wickedly. The compliment barely away from his lips before he continued. "Your worth? Phah!" He waved his hand dismissively at Hephaistion. "What'd you do 'Phai', offer that fair ass of yours to the Persians and beg to be allowed to retreat?"

"Gentlemen." Alexander tried to intercede. "Have some wine the day was ours, enjoy the night." Cleitus was starting to sound too much like a drunk Philip and Alexander didn't need that in his council tent.

"He cost…cost me men Alexander. He disobeyed you. He…" He did not wish to complain and would not have had he not been forced to state his case. He was just too tired and the words slipped from his mouth.

"Shut your whining trap you little prick! So! You lost men, did you? No stomach for it Hephaistion? Come now, remind me what is it? General? General Hephaistion." He squinted at Alexander looking for verification of Hephaistion's rank. Alexander looked at him and started to reply.

"Yes Cleitus Gen…"

"Ah, and thanks my king, General. Now about the little prick part? Would you care to…"

"Cleitus tread lightly now man, funs fun but…" Alexander cautioned.

" And who says I'm in it for 'fun'! Every man sitting here lost men! And before it's over we'll all loose a lot more! You've sheltered him my little king and now you wish to lose him amongst us. We've a right to know his merit! Ruined a good man you have. A pity if you ask me." He spat on the floor and motioned for more wine.

" Many lost men but 'not', because his secondary didn't show. Not because his secondary wanted to have a bit of sport you bearded sows ass!"

"Ah… I'm a hoary goat hair haired covered sows ass. How you do love your stable yard beasts Hephaistion. Here's one for you, it'd make Homer proud; a what do you call it..a meta…something…Hephaistion. Men are like javelins boy, you throw them at the enemy not knowing if you'll ever see them again! Grow…up! By the gods boy grow up!" He tossed back a mouthful of wine and slammed the cup down on the table splattering the remainder everywhere. Hephaistion recoiled from the splash. The tent was cloaked in silence for a long still moment. Then Cleitus started in again.

"Lost men! Maybe then, you should stick to your scrolls and flutes and your tales of Troy, and the Sacred Band. It's his doing, your King's." He pointed at Alexander who sat up straight at the remark. "He's filled your head with tales of glory and greatness but not the gore that comes with it. Knowing is one thing Hephaistion. Swimming in the guts of a hundred men is another! You've no stomach for it lad, none! I've always known it. You've a good mind but no stomach." He sneered across the table at the exhausted younger man. Alexander knew Cleitus well and could tell that he was working up to some final caustic comment that would unleash the fury burning in Hephaistion's eyes. If anyone could play a man's emotions Cleitus could. He was a master. "You held today but what of tomorrow now that you've given rights to your….yes 'your' dead. Get your head out of the cloud of Achilles you hide it in Hephaistion! You're no more meant for the battle field than that Persian pleasure toy Bagoas! You Hephaistion, or should I say Patroclus, have less …balls…than…that kohl eyed weasel does! At least he fought for the kings bed!"

"Cleitus! Silence! I'll not…." Alexander's reprimand was cut short.

Hephaistion launched himself forward and over the table slamming head first into Cleitus' chest. The power of the unexpected blow drove Cleitus and his chair backwards with Hephaistion riding on top of him. They skidded to a halt after crashing through the tent wall. The others rushed outside and Alexander started forward to separate the two entwined men, Parminion halted him.

"Alexander let them go. It been brewing for a while now, like to lions in the same clan let them go."

"Cleitus will kill him."

The remark surprised and angered the younger men of the group, Nearchus spoke up voicing his disdain for the comment.

"See, Alexander! Cleitus spoke true! You do coddle him. Have more faith in his heart, in his strength. He would trust in yours! He never doubts 'you'!" So Alexander was forced to stand and watch the ensuing battle.

The war waged bitterly both ways. Hephaistion was quicker and more agile but Cleitus who was bigger and heavier pounded the younger man like a siege engine. Murderously pummeling him with fists hardened by years of battle, fists the size of Hephaistion's head. Hephaistion ducked and parried but the blows still struck home and when they did Hephaistion staggered beneath them.

Alexander surged forward again when Cleitus wrestled Hephaistion into a two handed choke hold and began to force him down onto his knees. Again Parminion stopped him. Alexander pleaded with his eyes for release.

"You can't, my friend, his honor's at stake here more so than his life, be still."

"Parminion he's blue…"

"Leave them Alexander!"

Then in an extraordinary effort Hephaistion brought his arms upwards and between Cleitus' smashing into the generals nose and then driving them outward forcing the clinching hands from his throat. He stumbled and staggered back a step then drove forward as Cleitus tried to shake off the pain of his now broken nose. Hephaistion tackled the stunned man only to have his hold again reversed and have his ribs viciously crushed by Cleitus' knee for the effort. Still he fought back. Hephaistion didn't feel it when Cleitus bit off his left ear lobe, he didn't feel his nose break, he didn't feel his ribs crack, and he didn't feel it when Cleitus pinned him and with a wicked twist and jerk dislocated his left shoulder. What he did feel was a self rightous fury that surged through him like a bolt of lightening. He was beyond pain, beyond thought, beyond any rational sense of reality, his world had been reduced to a singular objective, defeat Cleitus. He never saw or felt the punch that drove him down to the hardened ground like a sack of cast aside grain. In an instant his world went black and his head vibrated from the shock of the roundhouse that Cleitus had connected with. Cleitus, seeing Hephaistion lying so still in the dirt, thought the young man to be finished and turned to walk away, breaking the one rule every warrior knows, 'never turn your back on an enemy'. He made it all of ten paces before Hephaistion, after staggering to his feet, ran forward and slammed into his lower back, again head first, driving the big General forward and straight down. In his exhaustion Cleitus hit face first smashing his nose and with the wind knocked out of his lungs he stayed down unmoving. Hephaistion did not hesitate, he dropped to his knees, straddling Cleitus' waist and with his left arm dangling useless at his side he drove his right elbow into the back of Cleitus' head just at the base of the bigger man's skull, Cleitus twitched once and went still.

The crowd roared, many of the gathered men were in Hephaistion's command and they saw the victory as retribution for the days events. Hephaistion couldn't hear them. He hefted his right leg over Cleitus' waist and sat legs splayed wide, hunched over at the waist blind, and half deafened by the blows to his head. He bled from his nose, he bled from his mouth, he bled. Tears fell from his swollen eyes but he was as unaware of them as anything else around him. Before Alexander could reach him he tipped over to his right into the blood soaked sand unconscious at last.

Alexander stood over the two fallen generals he was both proud and disgusted. Hephaistion had done well but the thought of such petty fighting, was it petty? Yes he decided it was, and such petty infighting sickened him. They were an army and egos needed to be controlled, set aside for the bigger, greater cause. In that instant he decided that never again would two of his generals fight like this, never again and the penalty of death would bind them if they did. Then, to make his decision know and believed, he did the unspeakable.

"Take these two egotistical fools to the stocks. When they come around send for me." Then he switched to his battle voice so all could hear. "This is a pathetic affair and will not be repeated. We are one. One corps, one body and I will not tolerate infighting at any, I repeat any level. Twenty lashes each when they come around, Parminion and Craterus will exact the punishment."


	2. chapter 2

Title: Taming Wolves

Author: Rothalion

Summery: Movie verse for the pinky thing. Alexander exacts a harsh punishment after infighting threatens to cause a rift in his chain of command. These guys were always vying for position I think things had to get physical now and again. So here goes this…

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Reviews are always appreciated. I can't improve without them. Thanks

Chapter 2

"Come on Puppy by the gods wake your sad ass up so we can get this vile deed over with!" Cleitus hissed at the lump that was Hephaistion; slumped unconscious against him.

Standing awkwardly, the shackles binding his hands behind his back making the task difficult, he shook the fog from his head and stared down at Hephaistion. The man had tipped over when Cleitus stood but was still completely out. Alexander had taken pity on him and shackled his hands in front to try and ease the pain of the young man's dislocated shoulder. Cleitus kicked at Hephaistion's feet and growled under his breath when the beaten man did not stir.

In a way Cleitus was glad of it. The longer that Hephaistion was out the longer he, Cleitus, had to recover before the flogging. He'd suffered the whip's wrath before at Philip's hand and twenty lashes was nothing to joke about. Hephaistion though, favored as he was, had never felt the sting of leather and Cleitus wondered how the boy would fair. Boy. He chuckled to himself. That was no boy who had beat him hand to hand. No, Hephaistion was no longer the long legged twig of a lad that had followed Alexander around Meiza like a shadow. No, he was grown now. Cleitus could still feel the strength of Hephaistion's broad shoulders and the power in the young man's legs that allowed him to drive the older warrior into the dirt time and time again. All that aside the whip was a vicious taskmaster, flesh was flesh, muscle mass made no matter, and Hephaistion, the fine sturdy tree he grown into, had always been spared its lesson. Spared, he thought, with a cruel smile, spared until now. That softness was Alexander's fault. How many times had the king, while still prince, interceded and kept Hephaistion from the whip after the young man had done some insolent act trying to protect Alexander raising Philip's ire in the process. Cleitus had to laugh at that; for all that Philip had loved him, that love had never prevented the old king from taking the whip to the young Cleitus' back. In the condition Hephaistion was in, Cleitus had to admit to himself, the flogging just might kill the boy. Then what…Alexander without Hephaistion…he shook his head at the thought and kicked at the sleeper's feet again. To lose Persia over a fist fight and a demonstration of power over the troops by a boy king. Cleitus knew what Alexander was doing, he was making Hephaistion and him his next Thebes, raze the city and quell the unrest.

"Well my pretty young Kinglet you may just get more than your bargained for, and for your sake," he kicked Hephaistion's feet again, "I pray to the gods that I'm wrong."

Alexander sat slumped in his chair absently swirling a cup of very mixed wine. It had been some time since he'd ordered the flogging and neither of the men had come around yet. He cursed Hephaistion's brashness and in the same breath his own hasty decision to flog the two men. How long had they known each other? Eight long years now and never in all that time had Alexander intentionally caused Hephaistion harm and now…because of Hephaistion's rage and his own short temper he just might kill the person most dear to him.

Hephaistion knew Cleitus, he knew that the man liked to taunt people into foolishness, why had he allowed himself to fall afoul of the older general's mocking. Alexander shook his head at the memory. He'd been completely stunned when Hephaistion had dove across the table at dinner.

"Damn you, Phaistion!" Alexander yelled at the empty tent as he tossed down the remainder of his wine. "When this public flogging is over you'll have me to contend with, you fool!"

He turned as the tent flap was opened and his page entered. "My Lord, the Generals Craterus and Parminion." The boy informed him. Alexander groaned. He was in no mood for a lecture especially the one he suspected was coming.

He nodded and motioned for them to enter. Both stood stiffly and stared at Alexander their faces clouded in sorrow and fear.

Craterus spoke first. "Alexander, I'll not be a party to this flogging. I understand your desire to make an example of them, to instill in the men the understanding that infighting will not be tolerated but…"

"But what Craterus?" Alexander interrupted tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. "You doubt my judgment?"

Parminion took over. "Alexander, as a General I will flog any man in my command, I will do so with conviction and full acceptance of my authority over that man but only you may flog a General. They are under your command the duty is yours and yours alone."

"I see." Alexander stated tersely and refilled his cup without offering any to the two men with him. It was all he could do to keep the dread he was feeling at the thought of injuring Hephaistion from showing on his face. He wasn't all that thrilled about hurting Cleitus either. "So the punishment is mine to administer?" He asked leaning his cheek upon his left fist.

Both men nodded in agreement.

"Alexander we know how your…love…for Hephaistion…"

"Leave my feelings for Hephaistion out if this Parminion!" Alexander yelled defensively, launching to his feet.

"We now how your love for Hephaistion," he continued on anyway, age giving him some measure of freedom to speak, "is a great factor in your life, but I will not be used as a pawn in order for you to spare yourself the pain and guilt that I know dishing out this rash and impetuous punishment will certainly bring you. If you will, flog me as well for disobeying your order but this, this senseless, and it is senseless, punishment is your folly and yours to administer. Yours alone. Craterus and I both will kneel before the whip before we ease or accept this burden for you."

He walked over to them studying their faces with a mix of concern and curiosity. They would, he saw, stand before the whip to keep from meting out this punishment and that spoke volumes to the young king. In hindsight he had acted rashly and out of anger. When two of his oldest and wisest Generals stood before him willing to be whipped rather then follow an order, such actions warranted his attention. He tried to figure a way out of his hasty decision to flog the two men but he could find no viable solution. To turn from his decision was a sign of weakness he could ill afford. If any lesson was left to learn here it was to not act out in anger.

"So be it then. I will do it, and fear not the whip gentlemen your advice is both wise and accepted. The burden, is as you have counseled, transferred and understandable so, to my shoulders."

The two men slumped as the words sank in and before Alexander could speak again the tent flap was pulled open and the page reappeared saying that both men were now awake and being prepared for punishment. The guards had a question though. Hephaistion's shoulder, should it be set back in place now or after.

Alexander pondered the query for a moment before answering. "After. Do it now and he'll likely pass out again. I want this deed over with."

A short time later Alexander was standing in the center of a torch lit area surrounded by thousands of troops. Cleitus and Hephaistion were stretched out on benches awaiting their punishment. Alexander walked straight to them.

"You both are fully aware of the reason for this punishment?" Neither answered so he went on in a voice loud enough for all to hear.

"My father, your King Philip, spent a lifetime unifying and uniting tribes and separate states into a single nation with an army strong enough and vast enough to punish Persia for its crimes against Macedon and Greece. I as your new king and General will not allow dissension and infighting amongst my men, especially my command corps, to threaten that unification. Heed the example of two of your finest soldiers and generals. Two men who fight together for a single cause with such bravery and honor that it brings tears to my eyes, and yet…these same two noble men turned on one another over trivial and petty words tossed out against one another. From this night forth, any men, 'any' men caught fighting each other outside of the wrestling ring will be punished by the whip, twenty lashes. If caught again death. There is no room in my army, our great army for such childish and weak exhibitions of ego. Give me the whip!" He snatched the weapon from a guard and raised his hand to quiet the rumble of voices that had grown throughout the mass of stunned men. The king was going to perform the punishment.

Hephaistion heard Alexander's words through a fog of pain. He was tired. More tired than he could ever recall feeling. He recalled fighting with Cleitus. He recalled being hit so hard that his world exploded in a sheen of twinkling blue and silver before slamming him into a black void filled with an odd whistling sound. Then he was here. Why? Alexander was babbling something about twenty lashes and now, had he heard correctly, he'd asked to be given a whip. Despite the spike of pain it caused he lifted and craned his head up to see Alexander, through a mostly swollen shut eye, standing in front of him whip in hand. Did he truly intend to give the punishment himself. Alexander was going to give 'him' twenty lashes. A part of him panicked. Alexander could not be seen as going to lightly on him and therefore would probably be harsher to make certain that no one cried foul. Hephaistion was no fool. He knew he was in bad shape as it was and twenty lashes would be a devastating punishment. He dropped his head back down and looked at Cleitus trussed up beside him. The older man winked at him with his good eye and to Hephaistion's surprised told him to be strong, that it would all be over soon enough. Hephaistion shuddered and began to pull at his bindings.

"Hephaistion, be still boy save your strength!" Cleitus hissed. They were laid out shoulder to shoulder, arms stretched forward over their heads and Hephaistion could barely hear the whispered words. "Phaistion, focus on me lad, on me. Look at me boy! Come on man, you can get through this son, you…" He stared at the old general and gasped when he felt Cleitus' pinky wrap around his.

Cleitus' words were cut off by the crack of the whip. Hephaistion flinched as the leather cut into his back. He focused on Cleitus and tried to hear the words of encouragement the older man was whispering, tried to push the pain from his mind, tried to figure out why Cleitus was suddenly trying to help him. The whip landed again and again and again. His world was resonating between black and purple. He vomited, dousing them both and gagged but kept his good eye glued on the fierce black orbs before him. He squeezed his pinky as tightly as he could round Cleitus' and tried to focus on the older man's voice.

Finally the crack came without the pain and through a haze of uncontrollable tears and agony he saw Cleitus flinch and curl his battered lips in a feral smile.

"I live for this shit boy, it makes me feel alive. Reminds me that I'm only flesh and blood."

Hephasition stared at the man in disbelief. Lash after lash tore into his broad back and Cleitus continued to smile. It was then that Hephaistion learned something about honor and courage and sacrifice. That it was more than being able to lead a charge and more than being willing to die for your king, more even then being able to struggle ahead through the most unspeakable hardship it was to be able to do all of those things and not think of yourself as being great or grand but still just a man. Still just flesh and blood. When tears began to slip from Cleitus' eyes Hephaistion thought that his heart would burst from his chest. Not Black Cleitus, never. This was his fault. His fault that Cleitus was crying. His fault. Why couldn't he have just taken Cleitus' comments like a real man? Just drank his wine and sneered back at the sarcastic general. Cleitus couldn't be crying. Shouldn't be crying. He was a man incapable of tears, incapable of such weakness. Hephaistion's battered face betrayed his thoughts and Cleitus winked at him again.

"I am only a man Puppy, only a man."


	3. Taming Wolves 3

Title: Taming Wolves

Author: Rothalion

Summery: Movie verse for the pinky thing. Alexander exacts a harsh punishment after infighting threatens to cause a rift in his chain of command. These guys were always vying for position I think things had to get physical now and again. So here goes this…

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Reviews are always appreciated. I can't improve without them. Thanks

Also thanks to all the new names I have seen in my reveiws. Hope that you enjoy my tales and thanks for your input. The regular folks are not forgotten! Thanks to you guys too. Its just that I have had some new name pop up and I wanted to thank them as well. Thanks to all of yoy for the great input.

Chapter 3

Hephaistion walked slowly across the camp and back toward his tent. He clicked his tongue at the big mangy hill dog that had recently taken to following him everywhere he went. The beast was huge and powerful. Hephaistion had no idea why the dog had chosen to adopt him, but the monster had slept faithfully outside his tent every night for weeks now and followed him around like his shadow. Nearchus had even teased that the dog reminded him of how Hephaistion had skulked around after Alexander when they were boys, even sleeping outside the Prince's door at times. Looking down at the animal he shivered and envied the dog's thick fur, oddly matted though it was. He was cold. Always cold as of late it seemed. The wind blew and he scrunched up his shoulders against its chill, wincing at the pain the motion caused his lacerated back. The light robe was doing little to keep out the chill.

As he reached his tent the look on the squire's face told him that there was a problem. He looked back behind him as if trying to choose another destination but the cold and the lateness of the night changed his mind. The young man assigned to him snapped to attention and looked fearfully at the tired general. Hephaistion shrugged and peered through the narrow opening in the tent flap. Just as he'd figured, Alexander. He shook his head, dismissed the cold boy for the night and after petting the big dog's head he told it to stay, then with a deep breath he pushed aside the flap.

Hephaistion, once inside his tent, chose to ignore the man seated at his desk rifling through his personal correspondences. He walked straight to the clothes rack and traded the light cotton robe for a heavier fur one and then headed for his wine cabinet. Alexander, he thought to himself as he poured two cups, was absolutely incorrigible. The man new no bounds when it came to getting what he wanted, and had no shame.

"You've a letter from your father, Phaistion!" The intruding king said happily as if reading Hephaistion's mail was a completely natural occurrence, and seemingly oblivious to the fact that they'd spoken less than ten words to one another in the two weeks that had passed since his fight with Cleitus and Alexander's hastily dished out flogging. "Aristotle too. Who's Xenos Hephaistion, do I know him? He sends greetings as well."

Hephaistion's shoulders drooped. He was tired and not in any mood for a jovial Alexander. An Alexander who had apparently chosen tonight to finally try and breach the wall that he'd erected around himself after the flogging. It was not as though he was angry with Alexander for the punishment he'd meted out or hurt that he'd been so miserably injured by his friend and lover's hand. It was just that some flicker of realization had been awakened in Hephaistion's mind and more pointedly, his heart. A hint of a doubt. A flicker of a warning. The sense that, in laughing along with the other men that night at the dinner, Alexander was letting him know that he was indeed on the outer edge of the elite group. Untested and mistrusted in his command skills even by him. A trespasser of sorts allowed in only because of Alexander's generosity. Hephaistion shuddered as the sound of Alexander laughing along with Cleitus at his misfortune during the battle replayed in his memory. It had become obvious to Hephaistion that Alexander had been aware of Cleitus' intent to test him and that the king had agreed to it.

"Your father says he is well and sends his love." Alexander paused at the word 'love' and looked questioningly into Hephaistion's tired eyes. He had never before felt so incredibly distant from Hephaistion. In all the years that they had been together they'd always managed to overcome even the most rigorous tests of their faith in one another and now this new and seemingly vast distance terrified him. He hoped the word would spark a glimmer of response from his lover and friend. He was disappointed, the blue eyes betrayed nothing. Continuing on he read further, "he says that the mares dropped twelve strong foals. Four stout colts and eight pretty, long legged fillies. A pretty bay, with chestnut brown eyes that you'd fall in love with on sight. You do love your bay horses you know. He says the apples are…" Alexander paused and smiled broadly, hopefully as he took the cup of wine that Hephaistion offered him letting his eyes send a message of love. " That the apples are sound and sweet just the way that you love them."

Hephaistion groaned. Love; was the man going to drop the word every third sentence or so? He knew Alexander well enough to have seen through the man's ploy. Say it enough and the topic is bound to come up. Maybe, Hephaistion thought, maybe he will just go away. He stared at Alexander's bowed head as he studied the letter and shook his own. Not a chance. Not a chance barring some page bursting in and saying that Darius had been sighted and captured. Hephaistion resigned himself to being stuck with Alexander for the long night. Maybe the dog could run him off. He went to the tent flap opened it and called out the animal's name.

"Ajax, come on in buddy it's cold."

"Ajax!" Alexander's head shot up. "You named 'that' mongrel Ajax! By the gods Hephaistion he's not got the breeding, boy! Just…well look at him." Grimacing at the perceived slight against Homer he pointed to where the dog had taken a lopsided, slouching seat beside Hephaistion's favorite chair. It barred its teeth and snarled a bit at the threatening finger pointed at it. "See, no respect either! Ajax had respect for his leaders."

Getting only a glare from Hephaistion along with another growl from Ajax Alexander relented, sipped from his cup, lifted the letter from Aristotle, and went on as Hephaistion plopped down in his chair and with great care eased himself into a comfortable position trying to save himself the pain of his lacerated back.

"Aristotle says that the herbs you sent are definitely medicinal. That's grand, Phaistion!"

Hephaistion groaned, his annoyance finally loosing itself. "That's charming Alexander. Does he happen to mention whether or not they will work to quickly heal the bitter bite of a whip? Oh, and here," with a smug sneer he held out his left hand showing Alexander the ring on his middle finger, "while your in between my letters come kiss my ring and seal our trust in each other. You do trust in me… don't you Alexander?" The implication of the scathing remark was not lost to Alexander.

Hephaistion half regretted the comment almost as soon as the barb flew from his tongue. Alexander paled and set the letter aside. The concern he'd been feeling about their relationship clearly present in his gray eyes.

"No, I am sorry my love." It was spoken without hesitation and with complete familiarity with the man seated across from him; although the joyful tone of earlier was missing from his voice now. "He thinks them to be more for the stomach and insides. Hephaistion, I…I can make you another poultice and more of my special salve. You have only to ask for my aid but lately you stay so...distant. Where were you tonight, out so late?" He lowered his eyes again to the desk and lifted the letter from Xenos. "So, this Xenos character?"

"Visiting. Just talking to…a friend of sorts." Hephaistion replied his voice an annoyed, tired whisper. He was certainly going to toss the man from his tent bodily if Alexander went down the old jealousy trail again. 'By the gods how many times did they have to rehash that age old argument?' Hephaistion thought to himself.

"You really plan on calling it Ajax?" Alexander again pointed at the dog now leaning lazily up against Hephaistion's leg enjoying the scratching his master was giving its ears and neck. The errant finger earned him another snarl. "It's a bit…grandiose don't you think? You were with Cleitus again?"

Yes he had been with Cleitus again. He sipped from his cup, closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair before replying. "M..hm." When Alexander didn't respond he continued. "So, what does my dear Xenos have to say? Come now if you are going to be my scribe and page at least try and do well at the task Alexander. What word does Xenos send.? I do so miss his company." Yes, Hephaistion thought, let him stew on that. "Oh and before you begin to read it bring me more wine, stoke my brazier and put some water in Ajax's bowl. Don't dawdle I'm chilled clean through and he's parched. Should I have you sent back to your family in Macedon in shame for providing poor service?" He held out his cup in the direction of his desk and Alexander. It wasn't necessary for him to open his eyes to see Alexander's face. He was well familiar with the scowl that he would find there.

After a moment he felt his cup get heavy as Alexander refilled it. Then he heard the rattle of Ajax's bowl as it too was filled and finally the crackle of the brazier could be heard as Alexander stirred it to life and stoked it with fresh wood. He shivered as he felt Alexander gently pull his long hair aside and kiss the ragged old scar on his throat just beneath his right ear. No, he was in no mood for that so pulled away to a more upright sitting position. Alexander sighed with apparent disappointment. Then Hephaistion leaned back again at the gentle touch of Alexander's hand on the top of his bowed head as he stroked his hair. A familiar enough touch and he had to admit he had missed it.

"Relax Phaistion, I'll not bother you with it. Xenos says that he finally received his new flute from Macedon. Flutes Hephaistion, since when do you discuss flutes?"

"He plays, and beautifully too. I grew to enjoy it when we were together before Tyre. When you were… away." He stretched out his long legs causing Ajax to shift and studied Alexander's face. "You know Alexander, Cleitus is an interesting man."

At that Alexander winced, furrowed his brow and downed his wine in a gulp. Xenos, Cleitus, Nearchus never before had Hephaistion sought out the company of so many people.

"Cleitus interesting, Hephaistion?" He sat down in the spare chair across from Hephaistion, pulled it a bit closer and eyed Ajax warily as the dog growled a low rumbling growl and the fur raised up on his neck. "Hephaistion, please send the….the dog back outside. Why does it dislike me?"

"My father always taught me that 'all' animals can sense when a man has raised a whip against another being, be it man or beast. He said they can smell it, the cruelty that is required to wield such a weapon, and will never give their trust to such a one." Hephaistion held Alexander's gaze as he spoke. He hadn't planned the words they just came out. An apt answer for the question and completely true Hephaistion knew. 'Maybe,' he thought to himself, 'I am angry at him for the deed.' He knew he would have to face the difficult feeling before they could move on. He also realized it would be a difficult task.

Alexander stared at the man across from him. He had no words in response to the explanation. He'd heard that very speech from Hephaistion's father, himself, once when they had visited Hephaistion's family's estates. While they were there, Amyntor, Hephaistion's father, had ordered a stable boy beaten with a stout reed and then dismissed for taking a leather whip to an unruly stallion. He'd refused to use the same whip to administer the punishment not wishing to taint his own hands with the weapon's especially wicked brand of pain. Even Hephaistion had been bitterly punished by his normally gentle father when he was thirteen years old. Angry and frustrated he'd whipped a horse with the lunging leashes. Amyntor held nothing back and Alexander had been forced to watch as Hephaistion was struck fifteen times with the same reed that the dismissed stable boy had been punished with two years prior. The King's mouth went dry and he trembled at the idea of Hephaistion never fully trusting him again. In the tense silence only Ajax's slow panting could be heard over the guttering sputter of the coals in the brazier, both accented by the agitated, metallic tip tapping of Hephaistion's ring against his cup.

They sat like that for a long while, Hephaistion's eyes slipping closed off and on as sleep threatened to rescue him from Alexander's scrutiny. After a bit Hephaistion finished his wine and yawning held the empty cup out to Alexander who stood and dutifully refilled it before returning to his seat. Hephaistion knew that Alexander would not just give in and leave. Even if he just went to bed Alexander would insist on staying and insuring that he slept well and then once he'd dozed off, Alexander would crawl into bed and pull him into his arms to insure that he slept warmly. How does one rid themselves of such a tenacious love, he wondered. He shuddered and recalled that Alexander had waited seven months to get what he wanted out of Tyre.

"Alexander, I am tired." He said pinching his newly Cleitus cricked nose between his finger tips.

"Come then, let me get you to bed. I'll see to your back and…"

"No. Just let me go to bed. What is it, Alexander, that you want with me tonight anyway?" Hephaistion pleaded, finally having had enough of the silent stand off. If asking what the man wanted and giving in to him got him in bed and under his warm furs then so be it. He could always be angry with him again in the morning which wasn't, by the look of the light outside his tent, far off. "Just, tell me what you wish from me, and let me get some sleep."

"Cleitus, Xenos, Nearchus…"

"Oh by the gods! Kiss my lacerated ass you childish bastard!" Hephaistion yelled as he stood and hurled his half full cup at Alexander's head showering them both with wine.

With a warriors reflexes the stunned king batted it away just shy of it splitting his forehead open and stood up as well. Ajax jumped to his feet and took up a stance at Hephaistion's side.

"Down Ajax! And 'you' get the…just go! Gods, Alexander it's always the same with you! Your crazed mother was right, you are definitely too much of a boy yet to be a great king. This horse shit of an idea that you always throw out at me after you hurt me…, this jealous shit to mask your guilt…I do not even have the words any longer to discuss it…just…just go!"

"Hephaistion, Hephaistion no! Please just hear me out! Just listen I wasn't going there…I…" He broke off and continued to rub his eyes, trying to rid them of the mildly stinging wine. "I simply…" He tried to keep his voice calm, to counter the anger and despair in Hephaistion's.

Hephaistion cut him off and got in his face. "Nothing, Alexander, nothing is simple with you and by Zeus I am growing damned weary of trying to deal with that! What… are you 'trying' to drive me away? Is that it? With this drivel, this petty jealous horse shit that if you cannot have me then no one can! This is such old and worn out rubbish."

He stalked away and then spun on Alexander again. "Cletus, Alexander, Cletus is the 'only' and I mean 'only' man in your whole accursed army that has any idea what I go through to love you. Only 'he' fully understands the high price I pay and the life I forfeit to be your…your lover. Your royal and eternally scorned sycophant! Love! Happy now? Now that I've said it. 'Love' ! You baited me enough with it tonight Alexander so I grant you your blasted god forsaken wish and bleat out the very word that destroys me…love." He turned and ran his hands through his wine dampened hair hissing as his broken fingers got caught up in the tangled strands. "You, you exhaust me with your desperate love of me Alexander. You…by all that is true just…just let me just love you. Trust me…" He shook his head trying to find words to describe the torment that had plagued him since the flogging. To voice the doubts that now ate away at the years of unconditional love that had always defined their relationship.

"How so Hephaistion? Help me to see it. I want this distance between us to be bridged, Cleitus…I don't see the connection, my love." He stepped forward and grasped Hephaistion tightly by the biceps. "How so?" He winced as Hephaistion wrenched himself free and let loose a pained moan when the motion tore at his ravaged back.

Frustrated and exhausted, Hephaistion punched errantly at Alexander's face, and shoved him away as Alexander continued to try and grab at him. Getting free he continued to scream at him. "My love? My love. Are you mad Alexander! Look at Cle…Cleitus! He loved your father for the 'man' Philip was, with all his heart! Did you know that Alexander? Philip, not the king! Just like me!" He thumped his chest with his fist. "Me, Alexander. We are not that different Cleitus and I! Loved him despite your father's mistreatment of him, and oh Alexander how Philip did mistreat him! With whips and fists and his depraved and never satisfied cock! Cleitus suffered for his love of his king! His love of Philip! Suffered right up until Philip was killed. Suffered at his king's beck and call for a lifetime. He knows the role of being a king's favorite, he alone of 40,000 men knows and understands and recognizes the price I pay for loving you and having your love so readily bestowed upon me. Only Cleitus! Do not begrudge me his friendship out of some senseless, misplaced, unjust and twisted jealousy that you so adamantly insist on never getting over. By the gods Alexander I just want to go to bed! By the gods, Alexander just let me sleep! If you love me Let…Me…Sleep!"

He turned, moved to his bed and sat down heavily. Then with a long sigh he stretched out on his right side facing away from Alexander. The king walked over to the small bed and covered Hephaistion with the extra furs before sitting down on the very edge of the simple camp bed that they'd shared so often. He stroked Hephaistion's hair and spoke quietly.

"I am so sorry to have had to inflict that punishment upon either of you. I cried bitterly for hours afterwards; my heart was broken. I so love you both, Hephaistion."

"It's not so much the flogging Alexander; though I am terrified of you now in some dark corner of my heart. I worry, I think, that I will become Cleitus and you a copy of your father tearing forever away at me with your love. Breaking me apart piece by piece by piece as you grow ever stronger. I fear that this flogging has begun it."

"Never. I despised my father's treatment of his boys and his men you..."

Then in a whisper muffled by fur and exhaustion Hephaistion got to the crux of his pain. "Why couldn't you have just trusted me to do what you had commanded me to do in the battle Alexander, why? Why did you play a party in Cleitus' test. Why did you laugh with them at my pain over losing my men? Why? To realize your lack of faith in me then and after as I fought Cleitus, yes the others have told me what you said, flays my spirit far more and the wounds me far deeper than anything you could have inflicted upon me with that whip Alexander. Goodnight."


	4. Taming Wolves Chapter four

Title: Taming Wolves

Author: Rothalion

Summery: Movie verse for the pinky thing. Alexander exacts a harsh punishment after infighting threatens to cause a rift in his chain of command. These guys were always vying for position I think things had to get physical now and again. So here goes this…Hephaistion is in flux. Confused and for the first time in his life doubting his chosen path. He reacts 'oddly'. They are so young and I know that they have been trained for battle and war I think that reality does rear its head for some. They must have moved through many evolutions in their relationship and this is one of them. A bridge they must cross. Power vs. love. Dedication to the individual and to the masses.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Reviews are always appreciated. I can't improve without them. Thanks

Chapter 4

In honor of Searching for and Sowing Oates

Alexander glared at Cleitus across the table. The older general returned the stern look with a crooked , cocky half smile. The entire day up until the afternoon meeting had been plagued with one source of frustration after the other for the young king and his temper was bound by a very thin thread. A recon squad had been wiped out by one of Darius' forward units, a supply train was lost somewhere to the south and three good mounts had to be put down due to some strange ailment and now he'd been forced to hold off his meeting because Hephaistion and Nearchus were late 'again' making it the third day running that the two were to blame for the meeting being held up. He couldn't help but wonder if Hephaistion wasn't doing it just to antagonize him. Ever since the last time they'd been together, and argued in Hephaistion's tent a week prior, the man had been acting oddly. Oddly, that was making light of the situation, Hephaistion had become aloof and animated, cocky and irresponsible. His change in demeanor baffled not only Alexander but all who knew the normally focused young man. Then on top of that there was Cleitus.

Finally laughter could be heard outside the tent and Hephaistion's voice telling Ajax to stay. Alexander remained smugly slouched in his chair with his feet up on the table only shaking his head in disbelief as the two tardy men strolled in as if they'd done nothing wrong.

"Thank you gentlemen for 'finally' gracing us with your presence!" Alexander spat out in a nasty tone of voice.

Neither man flinched, but instead looked at Alexander and resumed laughing as they made their way to empty chairs. Alexander was further incensed when Hephaistion chose to sit next to Cleitus and then leaned in close to the older man so that Cleitus could whisper something in his ear. Hephaistion then looked over at Alexander with a sly smile on his face. Alexander furrowed his brow and sat up straight. Hephaistion's crystal blue eyes were beaming. The smiling blue that Alexander had not seen in them since the flogging. Then Hephaistion began to snicker a little. The sound was too similar to Cleitus' wicked giggle and despite the joy he'd just felt at seeing Hephaistion smile the uncanny similarity was the stroke that set him off.

Standing Alexander slapped his open hands, palms down, against the map table with such force that the carved wooden pieces representing the armies of both Persia and Macedon leaped into the air and crashed back down utterly destroyed. He pinned a still grinning Hephaistion in his glare and screamed at him with his battle voice.

What! What! What is it Hephaistion! What by the gods is so funny!"

Hephaistion sniffled, began to chew his bottom lip and looked sideways at Cleitus who had leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms on his broad chest.

"Well…Alexander…" He began but was overcome by another fit of giggling that both Cleitus and Nearchus joined him in. "Alexander I…"

"What!" Alexander pounded his fists on the table again wiping out any remaining forces with the blow. Cleitus stood and stepped back from the mess.

"I …well it would seem…Majesty that you…" He paused and looked over his shoulder at Cleitus who giggled and shrugged. "Well Alexander you no longer have a standing army my King." Hephaistion too shrugged and together with Cleitus and Nearchus he doubled over in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"What, Hephaistion?" Alexander said so calmly and seriously that the rest of the table broke out in fits of hilarity with the exception of Parminion, Cassander and Philotos.

"Well it would seem to me," he chewed his lip again to try and keep from laughing, "that with one mighty wave of your hand," he gestured at the ruined scenario on the big map table, " two hands, you have defeated both the armies of Darius and yourself. Come Cleitus, come Nearchus a celebration is in order! Our work in Persia is complete! Off to my tent. I have plenty of good sweet wine, thanks to your king; since it is he who favors me with such fine bounty. Quickly now, time for the victory party!" He bowed insolently and made to leave. Nearchus and Cleitus followed suit, all three still laughing wildly.

"Stop!" They froze in place but did not turn around. The deep laughter was reduced to quieter giggles. "Return…To….Your…Chairs!"

As one the three performed a perfect about face in exemplary Macedononian unison. What they saw tore down what little reserve they had left. Alexander stood with his hands on his hips, head cocked to the left, his face red with fury and trembling with rage. Normally the sight would have stricken the men with fear but on this instance all it did was send the three back into a raucous fit of laughter, Cleitus threw his arm around a hunched over Hephaistion's shoulders and Nearchus was driven to tears.

Alexander, seeing that the day was lost, stormed passed the three men and through the entryway. As he stepped out Ajax greeted him with a snarl and Alexander kicked at the dog only to be rewarded with a nip to his heel. Turning around he re-entered the tent and pointing an accusatory finger at a lip chewing Hephaistion, he yelled,

"And you!" Hephaistion opened his eyes wide in a mocking show of fear. "You, better teach that forsaken mongrel some manners or by the gods Hephaistion I will feed him to you as a stew at my next feast!"

Still caught up in the mood, Hephaistion snarled at Alexander and snapped his teeth mockingly at the offending finger. Alexander threw his hands up in complete confusion and disgust and stepping wide of the big dog left the tent and disappeared.

Parminion was the first to recover. "In the name of Zeus, Hephaistion, what has gotten into you boy? Have you gone mad?"

"Into me? Mad? Me, General Parminion? Cleitus, what's gotten into me? The good General Parminion requests a reply."

"Nearchus' good Cretan wine young General Hephaistion."

"Oh?" Hephaistion queried innocently.

"You've no head for it lad." He continued with sad face and a shake of his head.

"No head? Cleitus I've no head? Tell Parminion I have no head. He'll see then what's got into me. Lost my head at Nearchus' "

Cleitus studied the old general who was now standing flanked by his son and Cassander; all three were enraged at the men's behavior and made no effort to conceal it. The others at the table simply sat and waited curious to see what Parminion would do.

Shrugging he nodded toward Hephaistion and spoke, "He has no head, Parminion, no head. What can we say?"

"Well Parminion 'sir' General, I do not know." Hephaistion sputtered out before dissolving into laughter once again. "I guess…Cleitus?"

Cleitus snapped to attention and saluted Hephaistion. "Yes my good General Hephaistion?"

"Would you do me the honor of flogging me for my ill mannered behavior at today's briefing?"

"Honored sir." Cleitus replied with authority.

Then, turning to Nearchus, he extended his hand and took from the man a short length of leather thong. Hephaistion turned his back to Cleitus, lifted his chiton, bent forward a bit and yelped in imagined agony as the older general proceeded to whip him on the ass with the strand.

Parminion and Philotas both screamed in outrage and stormed from the tent, Cassander at their heels.

"Cleitus, Hephaistion?" Ptolemy called to them in a soft voice "Enough my friends. Alexander's in a fit of anger and you tread on hazardous ground with them three. Have some sense fellows, have some sense and know when to quit."

They stopped and looked at the man smiles still broad upon their faces.

"Yes, Hephaistion, Ptolemy is indeed correct." Cleitus said as he tossed the thong over his shoulder and tugged on Hephaistion's arm. "What was that you said earlier about sweet wine a plenty in your tent?"

"After you gentlemen." They saluted the remaining generals and made for his tent the promised wine.

Alexander had returned to his own tent enraged and on the verge of having all three of men flogged. He could not conceive of any reason that could have driven Hephaistion to act with such childish, giddy and disrespectful behavior. It was as though the man had lost his mind and the cause was somehow catching and Cleitus and Nearchus were the newest victims. He'd never not in seven years ever seen Hephaistion behave as he had in the meeting. Not even drunk. Drunk the man generally got somber and only wanted to torture you with his absolutely horrible singing voice. He tossed down three quick cups of unmixed wine and made up his mind to get to the bottom of the mystery. He wondered if he'd destroyed the man's mind with the flogging. What other answer was there? Hephaistion was out of his head. He was acting completely different from the old Hephaistion that Alexander feared ever getting his beloved back. Decision made he stormed from his tent and straight to Hephaistion's. No one was there and the wine cabinet was empty. Resolved he sat down to wait.

Sometime just shy of morning he heard it. Hephaistion singing. While he'd waited for his friend to return Alexander had read and reread all of the man's mail especially the letters from Xenos. The letters worried him. Between the normal pleasantries Alexander sensed a growing desire in Xenos for Hephaistion's more intimate affections. How long would it take for a lonely and lost Hephaistion to respond to the older man's subtle offers? The voice drew even closer and he heard Cleitus tell him to stop that he was going to rouse the very dead with his horrible whining. Hephaistion continued in a louder voice and the tent flap burst open revealing Nearchus and Cleitus bearing up an absolutely besotted Hephaistion.

"Alsander." Cleitus mumbled.

"Cleitus." Alexander replied.

"Xander?" Hephaistion muttered.

"Ma…jes…ty" Nearchus stuttered.

"Leave him. I'll take him from here."

"Hear that Phais…Alsander's gonna 'take' you." Cleitus teased giggling.

"No! Not front of comp…ny. No!" He tried to give Alexander a stern look and wound up snickering. "Zander, I am… a little drunk for taking."

"Leave him." Alexander said again nodding toward the door. Cleitus and Nearchus released Hephaistion and started to stagger out.

"Phais…get taken well my lil friend!" Cleitus added as he left.

"Alexander… sing with me." Hephaistion mumbled as he stumbled half sideways toward Alexander. "Can't hear you Alexander…sing…hear the flutes? Beautiful flutes."

"No more singing Hephaistion; lets get you to bed."

"By the g…gods no!" He yelled. "I…I am still singing. Listen."

"No, Hephaistion you are drunk and need rest."

"Need wine." He replied and tried to turn to his left and walk to his wine cabinet. It ended up more of a sideways stumble. Three steps forward and an two to the right followed by three to the left the a lurch forward allowing him to grasp the sides of the cabinet for support. "Where's my wine? Are you drunk Alex…ander? You…you drank all my w…wine!"

"No, Hephaistion, it was missing when I arrived."

Hephaistion spun around and nearly tipped over. He tried to glower at Alexander but had a hard time even focusing on the man. "Well go fetch us some. You walk can, no?"

"Hephaistion you've had enough for the both of us my love."

Hephaistion reared his head back and laughed loudly. The warm baritone rumbled through Alexander's chest and reminded him of just how much he'd been missing Hephaistion. "For the b…both of us. Yes. But Al…zander only the half a me that's you… was posed to get so drunk." He said sighing as he ran a shaky hand through his long hair. Then he stumbled a step back and as he did his heels caught on the edge of the carpet. He fell straight backwards hitting the floor with a thud. "A…Zander I have f…fallen on my ahhhssh. " He looked piteously up at Alexander with confusion on his face.

"Yes my dear Hephaistion. You have indeed fallen on your ass."

Hephaistion sighed and hung his head. Suddenly it seemed far to heavy for his neck to hold up and a great tiredness was creeping through his muscles. His head bowed head he whispered. "Don't fee…lso well…. Alzander."

"Give me your arm, Phaistion." He reached down toward the man sitting slumped on the floor.

Hephaistion lifted first his right arm then weakly his left. "Which one? Got two Zan. Which…"

Alexander chuckled, grabbed hold of Hephaistion's left arm and pulled him up. He fell forward into Alexander's arms and buried his face against the side of the his neck. Then, as if shot through with new vigor, he clasped his arms powerfully around Alexander and he burrowed his face deeper into the curve of his neck. A shudder racked Hephaistion's body and Alexander tightened his grip in response.

"Hephaistion." He said, his voice cracking with emotion. "Hephaistion."

Hephaistion's knees went a little weak and he clung to Alexander for support. "Alexander. I do, do love you. Miss you so… so much…. Miss 'us'. Just us. Want none …of this. A lie; it was a lie, glory. None. Want…go home. No… more… blood. Taste it. Smell it. Dream it…and dream it and dream it. And…it…drowns me in sorrow." He clung to Alexander as tightly as his drunk arms would allow him.

"Come my love, go to sleep. Come now." He put his arm round Hephaistion's shoulders and herded him tenderly toward the bed.

It took only a moment for him to undress Hephaistion and get him stretched out. He was clammy and Alexander knew that it would not be long before his soured stomach would release its contents. He stroked Hephaistion's damp forehead and coaxed the drunken man to sleep. When his breathing was finally even Alexander undressed and climbed into bed beside him. It was cramped but he twined himself around Hephaistion's form with a loving familiararity.

Just as Alexander was about to doze off Hephaistion twisted and rolled over so that he was facing him; he grimaced at the noxious odor of wine on Hephaistion's breath. To his amazement Hephaistion spoke.

"Al…xander, someday will make you proud, will be…Patroclus for…for you. Will die and ma… make you so proud Alexander. Then they…they won't think me a f….alse Macedonian soldier. A pitied gen…ral. A false lover. A sycho…phant, phant… Think me brave, think me true and not jus king's whor…ore. Die for you. Prove love you. I'm going to be sick…"

Alexander held him as he retched and got him settled in bed a second time. It had been eight months since they'd slept together and Hephaistion, even as drunk as was, pressed himself, with the need of an absolutely forsaken, lonely and desperate man, against Alexander's body. He clung tightly to Alexander even in the depths of his wine induced sleep. Overwhelmed by Hephaistion's desperate need Alexander clutched him and wept silently into Hephaistion's long bronze hair.

Alexander did not sleep, instead he studied Hephaistion's face. So peaceful. So calm. He recalled his lover's words. Blood plagued his sleep. Shuddering at the thought of Hephaistion writhing alone in the grasp of a nightmare he tried to show the sleeper that he was loved and safe by very gently kissing his eyes and his slightly parted lips. Any contact that might remind Hephaistion that he was not alone.

He ran his thumb across the scar on Hephaistion's chin. A fine, thin pale line. Alexander smiled at the sight. It had happened the first time that the two had gotten really drunk together. Fifteen years old and foolish they'd set out into the night with a couple of wine skins and plans to just relax a little in the forest. Hephaistion, while ranting and raving about the lack of love and respect for Patroclus that most men showed, had fallen chin first onto a jagged rock splitting open his chin. Alexander was forced to attempt suturing the wound in the forest with whatever the two could find. Smiling the king was amazed that the scar was as minor as it was.

Then he kissed the scar and indention over Hephaistion's left eye. It was a jagged scar covered by Hephaistion's long hair most of the time. Two inches long and a good quarter inch deep the scar marred his otherwise beautiful face. Alexander was thrown back in time again. They were sixteen years old and Hephaistion and Cassander had been fighting, as Alexander dragged Hephaistion away from the scene they both stopped and turned when they heard his name called out. As Hephaistion spun around he was driven to the ground by a jagged rock slung from Cassander's sling. The blow knocked him out and split his skin to the bone actually chipping it. Alexander had watched over his unconscious friend for two days before he awakened.

Scars and memories. Alexander wondered if that was all that they were. Scars and recollections of home and Pella and gentle times in the shaded woods. He trembled as he pondered the future. There was, he knew, no stopping his advance, no stopping the power he was growing into, and Hephaistion had now admitted to him that it was all too much. All colored in the red haze of blood and death. He knew that moving ahead without Hephaistion was impossible, but did he have the right to possibly destroy his beloved's life in an attempt to achieve their dream?


End file.
